Commitment….. This is straight up Carrie Bradshaw style….so be excited. Last week after the hardest week of both of our lives apart from each other for the holidays with our families… chase and I decided to get married. Yeah I know…WOW. We are getting married April 25th in the Salt lake city temple….and despite my occasional commitment issues I have no doubt in my mind this is the one and this is it. Out of the minor leagues and happier than ever to be retiring from the game… I’m not only writing this because I need to let everyone know, but also because my mom has asked me everyday if I am really going to do this….And most of all….i am sitting on the bus on my way to work, it’s 6:15 in the morning and I am wearing a ring on my left hand, fourth finger for the first time in public. Lets be honest, I’m freaking out a little. This is a temporary ring for the time being while the real one is being made…but I sat down and clearly noticed the man sitting next to me look at my hand before engaging in conversation with me. Don’t get me wrong…being engaged is great it’s beyond explaining, I am still consumed with the initial shock. Explaining the shock…. I really always thought I was the committing type to be perfectly honest. I think I am this up for anything type…but now that it’s the one, I find myself thinking Miriam really this is the real deal. As excited and ecstatic as I am….there is a little bit of shock/nervousness that goes along with it.

We bought some gold fish last week because I was thinking this could help with some of my commitment hang ups….I know people are thinking… “Miriam = commitment issues (no way, but I am figuring out maybe I have a few)…”.., but for me this sort of therapy….it works. Needless to say…2 days and the first of the 3 goldfish died. Now it’s like day five and last night after the longest, but none the less extremely fun 2 hours I have had in target….number 2 died. Are you kidding me…I was thinking…ok 66 percent…I’ll be ok, now after the second died my insecurities about me and this long term commitment are a little more of an apparent issue!!

See for those of you know who know me though, this is like a personal issue. I mean marriage is a big thing!! Right? The biggest of the big….90 percent of your happiness is pending on this choice….with that said….what in the world is chase doing marrying me?? Another example this last week… My new years resolution to work out….well January 1st I joined the gym…on the third I cancelled the transaction. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like being in a two year + contract! So seriously, I think for a wedding gift to myself I need to see a shrink. Just kidding…. Sometimes I used to casually bring up to chase my anxiousness or my multi tasking issue (secretly trying to figure out if he could handle me for the long haul)……really playing the game of having insecurities and seeing how he would respond….and that’s when I knew I would marry chase.

ON the phone over Christmas break in one of our conversations near the end of the week (when I was being a drama queen… I said to him, “chase no matter what, if we marry each other or other people….I’ll be better for having been with you because I know at least it is this good * and I won’t let myself settle for anything less.” But really what was I thinking was, things with chase are too good to be true. *this good- with chase…it’s so easy…there is no need for drama, long talks to talk about our relationship…life is just fun no matter what we are doing, and I have realized what it means when people say “life is going to be hard either way, so go through it with someone who it’s easy with”. Deciding to marry chase has really been the easiest decision I have ever made. I was pretty much handing him the get out of jail free card in case he wanted it (you know when you say something to put it out there, to judge the situation by the response.) ….and what he said next sealed the deal….”mir, if you are trying to give me an excuse to get out of this, I’m not taking it.” So the gorgeous guy I stared at sitting in the back row at church ….while I was giving a talk at church back at the end of October….totally throwing off my train of thought…resulting in the most “blonde” scatterbrained talk I’ve ever given…….is the one who is all and more; surpassing all of my wildest dreams, expectations, and desires….and the lucky/crazy one that gets to call me his wife. So with regards to my hang ups about commitment…all I have to do is look at chase and think…if I’m lucky enough to have him as my biggest fan for the rest of my life….it’s alright if fish die or if I buy tons of clothes and return them…or if I join the gym and flake out a day later….